


Be You

by Sincerelyyoursanonymous



Series: The Gamer and the Vlogger - Youtuber AU [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Anxiety, Clexa, F/F, Fluff, Minor Character Death, Youtuber AU, and they're going on tour this time, but is getting better, clarke is still a clutz, lexa still has anxiety, look they're back !!, past lexa / costia, side linctaven, side ranya
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-01-17 04:11:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12357186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sincerelyyoursanonymous/pseuds/Sincerelyyoursanonymous
Summary: A year after Nyko and Gustus' wedding, Lexa announces that she and a few other creators are going on tour. With Lexa's anxiety getting better, she feels like she can handle it. With Lexa's YouTube career and her duties as Heda clashing more and more, and Clarke's music career slowly kicking off, she finds herself struggling. But she's Lexa Woods, and dang it, there isn't anything that she hasn't found a way through... Yet.Sequel to The Gamer and The Vlogger.





	1. Castle on the Hill

**Author's Note:**

> Guys !! I'm back !! And this time with a sequel!! I spent a lot of time between the final chapter of TGaTV and this first chapter planning out how to take this story and planning out backstories to go with the Grounders "lore". Hopefully things make more sense this time around. We've got a semi-long road ahead of us, though, filled with fluff, drama, and because I'm a sucker, angst. Don't worry, though. This one has a happy ending.

**_September 2018_ **

"Hey guys... It's been a few months. I'm sorry about my sudden hiatus, but... it was well needed. I probably should have said something before I left. I should have let you guys know what was going on, instead of just going dark on here. I know a good portion of you don't have twitter, so you don't really know what's been going on." She sighed, pushing a hand through her hair. "I... needed some help. There was a lot going on, and I needed to step back and breathe. I think I left in... what, June? June, yeah. Anyways, I needed to figure some things out. And... things have been better. A lot better than they were before. That being said..." A smile appeared on Lexa's face, glancing over to her side. "I'm going on tour." 

"With me!" Octavia popped up from her left. 

"And me," Clarke appeared on her right, kissing her cheek. 

"And me," Luna from next to Octavia,

"And us!" Lexa looked behind her, laughing at Monty and Jasper on the couch. They were twisted up in what seemed to be in a wrestling move. Lexa had to bend down for the camera to be able to pick them up. 

She shook her head and turned back to the camera, "Yes, that's right. Arkadia Productions are sending us all on the 'Be You' tour. We're going to be traveling to seventeen cities across America to... _embrace_ being yourselves and bringing our respective genres of Youtube together. Details are in the description, and I hope to see you all there." 

She turned off the camera, ignoring that itch that was telling her that her video was too short, and turned to her group of friends. A year ago, she wouldn't have ever imagined planning a tour to go across the country with people that she's come to know. Especially with Anya not being able to go with her. It was a lot to process at first, but she was able to work through it. 

She had taken a sudden hiatus in June after another incident with Ontari. The woman had traveled to DC to meet with Roan, and as per Nyko's request, Lexa had to fly home. It was something that messed with her anxiety, and even her new medication wasn't able to help keep her calm in the Queen's company. The hiatus was something she hadn't wanted to do, but Anya had talked her into it. In a way, it worked out for the better. She got to spend more time with Aden, guiding him through the last of his trials and even talked Gustus and Nyko into allowing her to get his _Natblida_ tattoo done. It matched hers perfectly, and the look on his face when it was finished was enough to say that it was worth it. 

A majority of her hiatus was spent in DC. Clarke, Lincoln, Raven, and even Octavia had visited on occasion, but it was nice to be in her hometown by herself. She was still able to talk with her therapist, and she even came in contact again with Luna Waters, the leader of the Boat People Clan in Maryland. Luna was one of the few people still involved in the coalition that she didn't mind talking to. It turned out that Lexa and Luna had quite a bit in common, from wanting the best for their people to even doing Youtube. Luna, however, ran a sports channel. 

Marcus Kane of Arkadia Productions had called her some time in August to talk with her about the spot on the tour. Apparently, he had already talked with Monty and Jasper -- who's channel had recently changed from gaming to pranking -- and even Octavia about it, and Clarke and Lexa were some of the last people he had planned to call for it. Lexa was the one that reccomended Luna for the tour, and the plan was set in stone after that. 

She was excited to come back to her usual schedule. She even spent a good portion of her hiatus planning out videos, and even pre-recording when she had the time. Anya had tried to talk her out of it, but even her almighty sister could tell how antsy Lexa had become. With her anxiety lessened, Lexa found herself trying to find things to occupy the time that she would usually spend worrying over smaller things. Her editing had become faster and faster since she started taking her medication, no longer fussing over small mishaps or stutters that she would otherwise attempt to end up refilming, only to fail. Anya was certain that had Lexa not taken the hiatus, she would have been posting at least four videos a week compared to her usual two.

The worst part about Lexa's hiatus spent in DC was missing Clarke. It was almost like they were long distance again; only talking in short instances and falling asleep over Skype. Lexa wanted nothing more than for Clarke to spend the entirety of the time Lexa was off of Youtube with her, but she learned to accept that Clarke had things she had to do in LA. Brand deals, her own Youtube channel, and even working on a potential EP that would come out within the next year. And Lexa was proud of Clarke, but that didn't stop her heart from aching every time she had to hang up the phone. She dealt with it, however, and even started to ease up on her "remaining private" with her relationship ( per Clarke's initiating ) and allowed the blonde to upload the small kisses they shared in her vlogs. 

Things had really started to get better in the past year.

That's why she was so excited for this tour; to finally see her viewers again and hear their stories in person. She had to bytrack going to VidCon; it would ruin the whole point of her hiatus. It killed her, but according to the tweets that were sent her way, she was glad that her viewers still cared about her. 

She started editing immediately after finishing the video. She wanted to get _something_ out there for her viewers; a gaming video set to immediately follow the tour annoucement. She was itching to get content out there. Feeling a presence next to her, her first instinct was to lean into them; assuming it was Clarke. But when she heard a chuckle that wasn't her girlfriend, she tore her eyes from the screen for just a moment. 

"Do you always edit like this?" Luna asked, pulling up a chair. Monty, Jasper, and Octavia could be heard in the background talking over things regarding the tour. 

"Sometimes. I... like to get it done. Make sure that I don't have to worry about what's going up and if it's properly edited." Lexa shrugged, clicking around on her computer. 

Luna was someone she had grown up with. With the Boat People Clan being so close to _Trikru_ , they frequently visited one another. Luna's grandfather was actually friends with her own grandfather. They had lost contact shortly after her grandfather's death; when Lexa was named _Heda_. Luna, being only 3 years younger than herself at twenty five, was in the running to be the next _Heda_ had anything happened to Lexa. But when it was talked about, Luna refused to take the title. She didn't think that she was capable of maintaining the duties that came with being _Heda_. Lexa rememebered that, and it was why she had no regrets when she sent Aden out on his trials. 

"Do you have videos lined up for tour or something?" 

Lexa shrugged again, "Mostly. When I play games, I play them all in one sitting. Then break it up into parts and upload it like that. A lot of them I did when I was in DC." 

They had started talking again when Lexa needed a second opinion regarding the Queen's; an unbiased one. _Trikru_ had been biased ever since they brought Roan in. But Ontari wanted a fight; Roan was next in line as leader of the _Azgeda_ , being the eldest heir to Nia. But Ontari insisted that Roan was a traitor and wanted to be the leader of the Clan. With _Floukru_ acting as Switzerland for so many years, Lexa gave them a call. And it was Luna who picked up the phone. When it came down to it, Roan had stepped down and let Ontari take control. And Lexa had no choice but to allow it. They weren't a dictatorship, not since the Clans became modernized. 

"How are things over there, by the way? We haven't really talked about it since the Queen thing." 

"They're... okay. I talked Nyko into letting Aden get his _Natblida_ tattoo," Lexa paused, glancing at her arm that bore the symbol. She didn't have to check to know that Luna's right arm bore the same symbol. "And he's doing this whole... 'trial _Heda_ run' while I'm on tour." 

"What does that entail?" 

"Really, just practicing rituals and stuff. If something big comes along -- which I doubt it will -- that Aden can't handle, they'll call me and I'll take a small leave from the tour." 

"What're you guys talking about?" 

Luna and Lexa looked to Lexa's left where Clarke appeared, draping her arms aroun Lexa's shoulders. Lexa smiled, leaning into the touch. 

"Just Aden. _Trikru_ stuff, babe." 

Lexa tried to not delve deep into _Trikru_ stuff with Clarke; she was afraid the blonde wouldn't understand it or would be overwhelmed. Had Lexa not grown up with it, she knew she would be. All Clarke knew about Lexa's sudden trip to DC was that she had " _Trikru_ business". That's what she called it; never going into detail. Even Luna was hesitant to talk about it to or around Clarke; Lexa could tell that it was starting to get to the blonde that Lexa would talk to Luna about it but not Clarke. She didn't mind telling Clarke about the traditions -- like Aden's trials -- but she didn't want to go into the deeper things. Not yet, at least. 

"How's he doing? I feel like I haven't talked with him in forever." Clarke asked. 

"He's doing well. Hasn't worked up the courage to ask Echo out yet, though." Lexa sing-songed, thinking back to how she had tried to get the boy to ask out his crush many times, but each time he felt like it wasn't time yet. 

"I'm sure it'll happen eventually, though. How long did it take you to ask me out officially? Three months? And even then you've only just now started posting about our relationship on twitter?" 

"He's liked her since before Gustus and Nyko's wedding, babe."

"That's irrelevant. He'll do it eventually. The Woods' always get the girl." 

Lexa rolled her eyes but craned her neck to kiss Clarke's lips. She was happy to be home; this was where she belonged. It took a while to get this feeling of home in LA, but she felt like wherever she was with Clarke, that was home. Clarke was her home. 

"Ew. I thought I had seen enough of the PDA with Anya and Raven." Luna fake-gagged, causing Lexa to flip her off. "Seriously. Those two are nuts about it." 

Clarke bit down on Lexa's bottom lip, causing Lexa to groan, and Luna was quick to push back the chair she was sitting in. "Yeah, okay. When you guys are done, I'm going to be over there with Things one and two, and Octavia." 

Lexa smiled into the kiss, pulling Clarke closer to her. 

Yeah, this was home. 

\-------

_**October.** _

"Alright guys! First day of tour! Wakey wakey, time to get the hell up!" Jasper called, banging a spoon against a frying pan. Since they all had to board the same flight the next day, they had all decided to just stay at Clarke and Octavia's place. Lexa was kind enough to let Raven and Anya stay at the Woods' apartment, but the duo would drive half of them to the airport, with Lincoln driving the other half. Clarke, however, made the bad decision of allowing Jasper to be in charge of making breakfast. She had _thought_ that Monty would keep him in check, but the shorter man had fallen asleep at the table ( until Jasper started hitting the pan with the spoon ). 

"Jasper, I swear if you don't stop hitting that god damn pan I'm going to --" 

"Offer to make breakfast? How kind of you Octavia. You can get right on that." Jasper smirked, making a beeline for the living room as the brunette came down the stairs. 

"No, Jasper --" 

"Save it, O. He was going to make me do it anyways." Monty grumbled, standing up off the stool he was sitting in. "I've got this." 

"Are you sure?" Octavia asked, going right for the coffee machine. 

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"Hey assholes! I know that Octavia isn't the only other person on this tour!" Jasper called from the living room, causing Octavia to groan. 

"Who allowed him on the tour?"

"That would be Marcus. Oh, good. You're making coffee." Clarke mumbled, a sleepy Lexa following closely behind. 

"And I'll be making pancakes. Good morning, guys. Sleep well?" Monty asked, gathering ingredients. 

"Based on the sounds I was hearing coming from Clarke's room, you guys weren't sleeping." Octavia smirked, leaning against the counter. 

"Speak for yourself. These walls are thin, Blake." Clarke rebutted, earning a snicker from Lexa next to her. The blonde yawned, leaning over to rest her head on Lexa's shoulder. 

"Please don't talk about my sister like that." Bellamy called from the stairs, slowly making his way down them. 

"Hurry it up, Blake! Tour waits for no man!" 

"I'm not even going on that tour, Jasper!" 

"Wakey wakey, Monty's making pancakeys!"

"Can I hit him with this stupid spoon?"

"Please do!" Came from everyone in the kitchen. Thuds followed suit -- Bellamy running down the stairs -- and Jasper's scream of surprise could be heard shortly after. 

Ignoring the chaos coming from the living room, Octavia poured herself and the others cups of coffee. She handed Clarke and Lexa each a cup; "Luna's going to be meeting us in Chicago, right?" 

"Yes. She wanted to spend some more time with family before the tour. She'll meet us at the hotel." Lexa explained, moving to sit despite the groan of protest Clarke let out. Smiling, the brunette pushed her own hair off her shoulder and allowed Clarke to return to the position she was in before. 

"So, I take it you and Lexa will be riding with Raven and Anya to the airport. Does that mean that Link and I are stuck with the Wonder Twins? No offense, Monty." 

"None taken." The man shrugged, continuing with his pancakes. 

"If that's okay. If not, I'm sure we could get Bellamy --"

"No way in hell, Woods!" 

Lexa smiled and shook her head. "If that's okay with you guys, yeah." 

"Oh that's fine. He should be back soon, actually. Wanted to go for a morning run." Octavia explained, turning her attention to Monty as he cooked. 

Silence fell over the kitchen, everyone enjoying their coffee and the smells that soon slowly took over. Bellamy had rejoined them soon, tossing the spoon in the sink and mumbling something about "stupid goggles" and "expensive", which they later learned was the result of Bellamy almost breaking Jasper's goggles. Luckily, they didn't break, but Jasper did pout about the _almost_ "disaster" that occured for the rest of the morning. 

"I smell pancakes!" 

Everyone turned their attention towards the door, where Raven made her way inside while Anya held the door. 

"Does everyone have to make an elaborate entrance around here?" Monty asked, furrowing his brow.

"Something like that." Clarke chuckled. 

Raven's physical therapy had been really paying off within the past few months. She was at the point where she only needed the crutches when she didn't want to walk with the brace, but with the brace she was almost entirely back to normal. Abby considered it a miracle, but in Lexa's eyes, it was _Heda_ helping in whatever way they could. 

"Monty, why don't you make breakfast around here all the time?" 

"Because I live on the other side of the city." 

"Well, you should move closer. I'd love to wake up to this every morning." 

"If I move closer, Jasper is coming with me." 

"Please, no. Keep him far, far away." 

"Aw, Octavia. You're just saying that. You know you're stuck with me for the next few weeks, right?" 

Everyone had laughed at the glare Octavia sent Jasper's way. 

An hour later, they were on their way to the airport. Lexa felt lucky that she wasn't stuck in a car with Jasper, but she did feel bad for Octavia. Personally, she was betting that Octavia would attempt to kick Jasper off the tour bus at least _once_ on this tour. Raven sat in the front with Anya, with Clarke and Lexa in the backseat. Raven and Anya talked amongst themselves with the radio playing music quietly in the background, but Clarke and Lexa were invested in each other. Even almost two years later, Lexa couldn't get enough of the blonde. 

"I'm really glad that you agreed to go on this tour, Lex. I don't think I could handle being away from you for so long; getting to see the country without you. It wouldn't seem fair." Clarke stated softly, playing with Lexa's fingers. 

"I'm sure we could always take a road trip in the future." 

"Yeah, but..." 

"Babe, I promise you, at some point in our lives I'll show you the world." 

"Did you just indirectly quote _Aladdin_ to me?" 

"Maybe." 

"Nerd." 

Lexa grinned and kissed Clarke; " _Your_ nerd."

"Alright lovebirds, we're here. Now get the hell out of my car." Anya teased, looking at them through the rearview mirror. 

They met up with the rest, and they all headed inside, but before Lexa could walk towards the gate, Anya pulled her aside.

"You're sure about this, right?" Anya asked, her voice in a soft whisper. "You're sure you can handle this by yourself?"

Lexa smiled, and nodded. "Yeah, I think so."

"And if you can't --"

"I'll call you. And I'll be on the first plane back to LA." Lexa reassured her, squeezing her sister's arm. "I'm a big girl Ahn, I can do this." 

"I just want to make sure. This... It's a big step. And I know these past few months haven't been the best for you." Anya explained. 

"I know. But I can do this. I have Clarke, and Octavia, and I know that you're only a call away. This is going to be okay." 

Anya nodded, and pulled Lexa into a hug. 

"I just have one request, though." Lexa stated, continuing when Anya looked at her, "Keep in contact with Aden, please? Or at least Nyko. I'm..."

"He's going to be fine, Lex. He had a great teacher, after all. Now go. As Jasper keeps saying, 'tour waits for no man'." The blonde teased, nudging Lexa along. Lexa laughed, but nodded, turning to catch up with the rest. 

"Everything okay?" Clarke asked, slipping her hand into Lexa's. 

Lexa nodded, smiled, and leaned over to kiss Clarke's cheek. "Everything's perfect."


	2. You Told Me This Is Right Where It Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Start of the tour. Clexa angst; both are pretty insecure. Lexa tells Clarke some things she's been hiding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not a story by me without some angst(TM)
> 
> Sorry for taking so long between the first chapter and this one. Real life got in the way and I didn't have the motivation to write.

**_October 1st, 2017._ **

The flight from Los Angeles to Chicago was a lot shorter than Lexa would have hoped. She sat in the middle, with Clarke to her left and Octavia to her right; the latter all but demanding that she have the aisle seat purely because she "has a weak bladder when flying". Lexa complied, but mostly because the other option was having Octavia in the middle and Lexa just really wanted to sit next to Clarke. It wasn't that she didn't like flying; quite the opposite actually. She just felt more content next to Clarke. 

That, and she had that nervous feeling in her gut for the show that night. 

Octavia had gotten up to use the bathroom ( again ) when Clarke turned to her, slipping her phone into the pocket of her hoodie after taking a few instagram-worthy photos. 

"I know the first stop of the tour is pretty big, Lex, but you don't have to be nervous." Clarke stated softly, taking Lexa's hand with her own. 

"Nervous is an understatement. I'm actually a little terrified." 

"You'll do great." The blonde squeezed Lexa's hand for reassurement, but Lexa wasn't too sure how to believe her. 

Lexa was the opener of the tour. They had established this during a meeting with Marcus; the show would start with an idea Lexa came up with and would branch off from there. And while Lexa was excited about it, it didn't really stop her from growing nervous about it. 

"If you say so." 

The rest of the flight was rather quiet. Jasper and Monty had fallen asleep in the row next to them, and when Lexa turned her head to check on them she noticed that Jasper's head had fallen onto the shoulder of the guy next to him, who was just as asleep as the duo. It caused her to chuckle before she tuned into a movie with Clarke while Octavia focused on editing a video.

When they got off the plane, Lexa was grateful that she had gotten used to the time changes. Spending years going from Eastern time to Central time, and the occasional Western time, in a way, prepared her for this. It was nearing two P.M. by the time they arrived in Chicago, and while the rest of the group was struggling to comprehend the change, ( "How it is already two? It literally feels like noon. Maybe earlier." "Timezones, Jasper. They're a thing." "Okay but O, tell me it doesn't feel like noon." "Shut up, Jasper." ) Lexa was completely at ease. 

They still had a few hours before they had to go to the venue, so the group decided to make a stop at the tour bus to drop off their stuff before going their own ways to explore the city. Monty and Jasper were quick to suggest getting food, which Octavia and Luna ( who had met up with them at the bus ) complied, but Clarke and Lexa hung back at the bus. Luna had made them an offer to get food for them, and they happily agreed. 

After getting changed into something more show-appropriate, Clarke and Lexa decided to get a jumpstart on setting up the wifi in the tour bus for the mere sake of not having to deal with it in the dark after the show. Clarke sat on the couch next to Lexa, who fiddled with the router on the table in front of them. To anyone else, she looked rather in her own element, but to Clarke Lexa looked insanely cute when she was focused. Her tongue, nestled between her teeth, jutted out just enough -- almost like a small puppy. 

The blonde hummed, resting her elbows on the table and leaning forward as she watched Lexa work. "So... I was thinking..." 

"Oh?" Lexa replied, not looking away from the router. The directions laid out in front of her; her laptop set up in the corner. She had yet to actually use a mobile hot-spot, but the instructions were making it rather easy to set up. 

"We should do a girlfriend tag video." 

Lexa paused, setting down the hot-spot device and looking over at Clarke for a moment. "Do you really think that's a good idea?" She asked, turning towards the blonde. "The last time I did something girlfriend-related it was in a state of panic, and it ended up not only outing myself but revealing your accident to the entire world, Clarke. What if things don't work out?" 

She hadn't meant to say it; it was a worry she had had for a while. Things had been just a _tad_ too good for her. It was almost like she was waiting for things to go wrong and for Clarke to leave her, despite Dr. Tsing telling her that things seemed to be going great for her and that she shouldn't doubt it, because she _did_ deserve something as good as Clarke in her life. Word vomit was getting the best of her; revealing her insecurities. 

Clarke was silent for a moment. "You don't think we'll last?" She asked, hurt filling her eyes. 

Lexa sighed, shaking her head. "That's not what I meant, Clarke -- I'm just..." She closed her eyes, turning back to the hot-spot. "I'm just saying that anything could happen." 

_Anything like you deciding to leave me._

Lexa couldn't blame Clarke for getting up and leaving the tour bus.

\----------

The first show of the tour went swimmingly. Everyone made their cue and the meet and greet beforehand, the thing that acted as a trial run for the rest of the shows, couldn't have gone better. Lexa was astounded to hear that people not only traveled _hours_ just to see the show, but that a lot of them had been sitting outside the venue since before the gang even arrived in Chicago. She admired their effort, and put on the best show that she could with minimal worries about it. She thanked her anxiety medication, knowing that without it she'd be a mess throughout the whole thing. 

After the show, they were set to go to dinner to celebrate their first stop, but Lexa wanted to stay behind. She urged Octavia to convince Clarke to go, and, despite being hesitant the brunette did. When asked why she didn't want to go by Luna, Lexa simply told her that she wanted to video call Aden. Which wasn't a lie at all; she really did want to call her cousin. She just also didn't want to make today harder for Clarke on accident. 

"Hey, bud." Lexa grinned upon seeing her cousin on the screen; he seemed to be getting older every day. 

_"Hey, Lex."_

"How's my little _Heda_ doing?" She asked, getting comfortable in the seat. 

_"I'm doing okay... It's been an interesting week."_ He explained, shrugging his shoulders. 

"How so?" 

_"Dad and Gustus have been quizzing me randomly about stuff. Rituals stuff, y'know. It's been.. really testing me."_

"How're you handling it?" 

_"Okay, I think. It's not too bad. Nothing I can't handle, I think."_

Based on the look on his face, she could tell that he was already getting a little overwhelmed. But she didn't press; she believed in him. And she knew that if he couldn't handle something, he'd tell her -- right? 

She changed the topic from _Heda_ to school. She learned that he was getting closer with Echo, which, by the smile on his face when he talked about her, things were going well there. And from there, they just talked about everything in their lives. It felt like hours when it had barely been one, but there was one more question that Lexa had to ask him about -- "Have you prepared for the ritual yet?" 

Aden paused, _"Kind of. Not a whole lot; dad's been trying to ease me into it."_

"You know there's a monologue, right? I could --" 

She was cut off by the door opening, causing her to chew her lip. "I gotta go, bud. I'll call you later?" She asked, earning a nod from him as he hung up the phone. 

"Did your talk with Aden go well?" Clarke asked, taking a seat next to Lexa on the couch and handing her a box of food. 

"Yeah, it was nice." 

The rest of the group filtered into the bus, taking seats around various places. Octavia went to her bunk, Luna took a seat on the other side of Lexa, and Monty and Jasper sat across from them. 

"What'd you talk about?" 

" _Heda_ business." 

Clarke grew quiet, but Lexa could feel the tension in the room. The others could feel it too, because Luna went to sit next to the driver at the front of the bus and Monty and Jasper retreated to the bunks to give the couple privacy. 

"What?" Lexa asked, setting the box on the table. 

"You never share _Heda_ business with me." 

"That's because it's..." She trailed off, looking at the table. She couldn't think of _why_ she couldn't share it with Clarke, other than it being the first time she's been with someone outside of the clan.

"You can't even think of a good reason behind why you don't share it with me. You share it with Anya all the time." 

"She's my second in command, Clarke--"

"And I'm your girlfriend! Shouldn't that account for anything?" 

Lexa sighed. When she couldn't come up with anything in response, Clarke stood and walked back to the bunks. The brunette pinched the bridge of her nose, sinking in her seats. It seems like this day couldn't get any worse for her. She just hoped that Clarke wouldn't end up breaking up with her over this. 

A few moments later, Luna came back to sit next to Lexa. She waited for Lexa to notice her, and when the brunette did she shook her head. 

"What did you do, Lex?"

Looking over at her friend then down at her lap, Lexa explained, "I... didn't tell her about _Heda_ stuff. I've been keeping it all from her for a while." 

"Why?"

Lexa shrugged, "I just don't want to overwhelm her. I don't want to involve her case things..." 

"Don't work out?" 

"Yeah. That, and if she does get overwhelmed, I don't want it to be our downfall." 

Luna cocked her head to the side, a little confused. "Isn't she your soulmate? Doesn't your grandfather approve?" 

Lexa nodded, but didn't say anything else. 

"You shouldn't be so afraid, Lexa. If she cares about you, she wouldn't be overwhelmed about this. It may be a lot at once, but I think your grandfather would want you to share this with her. Being _Heda_ is a big part of who you are. It should be something you _want_ to share with her; your culture, who you mean to the rest of the clans, all of it. And if you feel that approval, you should _definitely_ go for it. After all, spirits don't lie."

Lexa thought about it, and Luna was right. She had to tell Clarke. If anything, in hopes that it'll save her relationship. 

"Alright."

\--------

"Clarke? Are you okay?" Octavia asked, leaning over her bunk. She could hear Clarke's sniffles from below her.

"I'm fine, Octavia." 

"You don't sound fine." The shorter girl jumped down, taking a seat next to Clarke on the blonde's bunk. "What happened?" 

"Don't act like you didn't hear it all. Lexa and I fought." 

"I didn't want to just suddenly step in and pester you about what you guys fought about. I'm not like Jasper." 

"Hey!" 

"See? I knew the idiot was eavesdropping." 

Clarke suddenly felt very exposed; the tour bus was small. It was obvious that anything any of them did, the others would find out right away. 

"It's this whole... _Heda_ thing. She doesn't talk to me about it. Doesn't talk to me about a lot of things, actually." 

"So she's a private person." 

"It's more than that, O. It's like... like she doesn't trust me." 

A soft knock on one of the bunks diverted their attention, causing both girls to look over at Lexa. 

"What?" 

"Can I talk to Clarke?" She asked softly, chewing her lip. She glanced at Monty and Jasper on the top bunks and sighed. "Alone?" 

Octavia nodded and stood, "C'mon, things one and two. Let's give the girls a little bit of privacy." 

Monty complied, but Octavia had to threaten dragging Jasper out of the bunk by his ear to get him to leave Clarke and Lexa alone. 

As alone as they could be, Lexa sighed and sat on the bunk. "I... know I haven't been that honest with you when it comes to stuff with _Heda_. I know you were really confused this past summer, because I didn't tell you a lot of stuff... And I know you only really know about Aden's trials. That that's as much as I've told you." She ran a hand through her hair, instictively reaching for Clarke's hand but decided against it last minute in case Clarke wasn't okay with it. The bus felt a little stuffy; she had to lean over to open the window attached to Clarke's bunk. "Is that okay?"

"Yeah, it's fine." Clarke's voice was cold; upset. 

"I... wanted to tell you about it. Start at the beginning, at least. Explain to you who _Heda_ is, what they do, the whole.. culture. History, kinda. If that's okay. And then... then when I'm done, if you have more questions you can ask. Is that okay?" 

Clarke nodded and brought her knees to her chest. "I don't want to overwhelm you." 

"Just tell me, Lex." 

Nodding, Lexa folded her hands together and squeezed. A nervous habit she had developed before she and Clarke lived within the same area; she felt if she couldn't squeeze Clarke's hand that she could squeeze her own and pretend it was Clarke's. 

"Okay... Here we go." 

She took a breath, looked over at Clarke, then squeezed her eyes shut. Clarke looked upset still, but a little hopeful. That was good. "Millions of years ago, it is believed that the first _Heda_ fell from the sky. That she had been sent by the Gods to guide humans to safety, to be led to survival. With blood as black as night, the first _Natblida_ – Becca – was known to be almost all powerful. She ruled over the land, encouraging and guiding those to do good and work together. Over time, Becca’s clan – now _Trikru_ – started to drift. They wanted to travel, so Becca allowed them. It led to the Twelve Clans, all spread over what we know as Eastern America.

"As the years went on, Becca grew old. And the people became antsy. They were uneasy. And a war broke out. Clans against each other, all fighting to lead the Clans as the Commander, or _Heda_. It wasn’t until halfway through the war that another _Natblida_ was discovered on accident. This man was young; a member of the Lake People Clan. But much like Becca, he had blood as black as night. It was later revealed that this man was Becca’s son, taken from the Commander by his father. But when Becca died, the clans deemed him worthy of royalty based soley on his blood. So that man was next to become _Heda_. From there, things became brutal." 

It was almost like second nature, the way she talked so easily about her history. She had spent years studying it in preperation for her trials, and even later quizzing Aden on it for his own. 

"Every time a new child was born, their blood was drawn. Since it was before modern medicine and medicinal practice, it was almost inhumane how they checked the blood of a newborn. They cut the arm of the child to check, and if the child was _Natblida_ they scarred them. A harsh, black design around the cut to differenciate who was _Natblida_ – who had the potential to be the next _Heda_. This worked for a few generations, until more than one _Natblida_ came around. From then it went to the fights of _Natblidas_.

If more than two _Natblida’s_ became of age at the same time, they were to fight to the death, or to near death. Keep in mind these were before we became modernized. The last _Natblida_ standing was to become the next _Heda_ , and was marked on the back of their neck as a symbol of success. Very _Hunger Games_ -esque. When the current _Heda_ passed, _Heda’s_ spirit would locate the mark of the worthy _Natblida_ , and the title was passed on. That's what they always beleived, at least." 

She looked over at Clarke; the blonde seemed to be keeping up. That was good. Nodding to herself, she continued. 

"Most of the time, _Heda_ was _Trikru_. Since _Trikru_ was Becca’s origin, it only made sense. There has only been a handful of times where a _Natblida_ that wasn’t _Trikru_ became _Heda_. That was years ago, however.

The coalition formed during a time of another war. This one, however, was not because of the _Heda_. A war over goods and services, trade and freedom. The Desert Clan, or _Sankru_ , went to war with the Ice Nation. They became agitated that the Ice Nation -– _Azgeda_ -– only traded with select Clans, and if any non- _Azgeda_ set foot on their land they were imprisioned. The rest of the Clans were forced to take sides, many of which siding against _Azgeda_. The Ice Nation was powerful; it’s always been. More powerful than _Trikru_ at the time. They resided in what is now Maine, and parts of Canada. They were a top tradiing Clan with those they selected; fish and freshwater being their most valuable exports. They had an army of soliders who trained in the snow, brutally pushed to their limits to become strong, powerful, and ruthless. They were truly an unstoppable force. By the time _Heda_ stepped in, the Ice Nation had almost entirely wiped out the Desert Clan, leaving it to become known as the Dead Zone. Are you following?"

Clake nodded. 

" _Heda’s_ plan was to create peace among the Twelve Clans. A system of rules, lenient to free will. And somehow, it worked. Most Clans did not want war. They fought reluctantly, knowing that going up against the Ice Nation took numbers. The coalition was simple – once every month – or full moon, in their time – each Clan would send a representative to travel to Polis to meet with _Heda_ and discuss trading and ways to move forward as a whole. Potentital battle strategies if outsiders were to attack, neutral zones, all of it. And if conflicts between the Clans arouse, Heda would be able to stop it before it led to war. It was also during these meetings where every Clans representative had a fair say in whatever matter was being discussed, no matter the population of the Clan. 

The coalition seemed to keep the Twelve Clans at peace ever since, even when the Clans became modernized only about two hundred years ago. When travelers started to form in our areas, that was when _Heda_ declared war. Their leader refused to meet with _Heda_ , demanded that we fall to their knees, and _Heda_ did not like that. The battle was short, only a few months before the travelers surrendered. After that, we developed a treaty. And the travelers became others to trade with. 

The Clans developed quickly after that. More travelers came, mingling with the Clans. America was being built fast. Technology came, and it was the Heda before my grandfather that things really changed."

Lexa licked her lips, suddenly wishing that she had grabbed a bottle of water. Her throat was dry after the days events; she hadn't anticipated telling Clarke all this so suddenly. 

"Alie was her name; she originated with the Desert Clan. She wanted the Clans to become completely modernized; to ignore our traditional culture and develop into the ones that the travelers were bringing with them. Many agreed, but were upset that we were giving in so quickly and giving ourselves up to modernization. They felt they didn’t have much of a choice; with Alie being _Heda_. Only five out of the Twelve Clans keep tradition, in some way, to this day: _Trikru_ , Broadleaf, Lake People, or _Floukru_ – Luna’s Clan – and the Ice Nation. That’s why I left so suddenly months ago to do _Heda_ stuff. Nia, the leader of the Ice Nation, had passed and her daughter, Ontari, wanted Nia to pass into the City of Light. It’s a ritual that’s always been performed by _Heda_ with the loved ones of those that passed. We believe that, with _Heda’s_ blessing, those we love pass into the City of Light where their spirits live on without pain, only happiness. Almost like Heaven for those who believe in God.

When Alie passed, my grandfather took over. He was twenty at the time; nowhere new to the life of _Heda_. He had been training since he became of age and had even met his soulamte; his life was completely figured out. There wasn’t a lot he did, but he brought what was left of the Twelve Clans closer than ever."

She didn't have to ask again to know that Clarke was still listening; despite not being able to figure out what Clarke was feeling. "It may not be what it was before, but I’m honored to be _Heda_ no matter what. It’s… more like a family than anything else. Traditions, spirituality, coming together… something pure to believe in." 

She finished, taking a deep breath. And she waited, and waited, and waited for Clarke to say anything. But the blonde was silent. 

"Clarke?" She asked, biting her lip. 

"I think I need a minute." 

"Clarke--" Lexa tried, but Clarke was already getting off the bunk and going outside. She looked down the hall as Clarke went out the door, sighing at the glare that Octavia had sent her. Feeling a panic attack coming on, Lexa did the only thing she knew to do. 

She called Anya. 

Her sister picked up on the second ring, and Lexa was grateful. 

_"What's up, Lex?"_

"I need advice."

She didn't have to be in the same room to know that Anya was pinching the bridge of her nose. 

_"What happened?"_

"I told Clarke all about Heda." 

_"Okay... What did she say?"_

"She didn't say anything. Just kinda... Walked away." Lexa's voice was quiet; almost a whisper. She didn't want the others to eavesdrop on her panic. 

Anya paused, and Lexa almost checked to see if her sister had hung up until she started talking again. _"Did you tell her about what you do or did you give her the full history?"_

"...Full history." 

_"That's probably why, Lex. She's probably overwhelmed."_

Lexa fiddled with a lose string on the cuff of her jeans. She was afraid that was going to happen. That's why she didn't want to tell Clarke in the first place; it was a lot to handle. She should've waited. She should've started off with something small. She shouldn't have dove that far in so quickly-- 

_"I can hear you panicking from here, Lex. Take a breath. In for four, hold for seven, our for eight. Okay?"_

"What if she doesn't want to be with me anymore?" 

_"Lex, the girl is in love with you. Has been for a while. You'll be okay."_

"How do you know?"

"Heda _chose her. I can see it, Link can see it. It's pretty obvious. You're meant to be."_

Lexa nodded, despite Anya not being able to see her. 

"Okay."

_"Talk to her, Lex. You gotta just... talk."_

"Okay." 

_"Remember to breathe. I gotta go, but you're going to be okay, okay? Love you."_

"Love you too." Lexa waited for Anya to hang up the phone before she laid back on Clarke's bed, giving the blonde time to process. 

\-----------

"What happened?" Octavia asked, feeling a little frustrated that she was asking Clarke that for the second time that night. If the rest of the tour was going to be like this, she had a small feeling that she was going to rent her own tour bus to travel around in. 

"She's this... all powerful leader. Why did she pick me?" Clarke asked rhetorically, sitting down on the pavement. She brought her knees to her chest again, feeling pretty insecure. "I barely know anything about her culture. I get overwhelmed just from the _history_ of it. You and Raven probably know more than I do because of Lincoln and Anya." 

"Why didn't you ask her about it?" 

"I didn't know how. And now Luna is here and Luna knows all this shit that Lexa does and they're from the same background and," She sighed, shaking her head and looking over at Octavia. "What if she realizes that I'm not all she makes me out to be?" 

"Clarke Griffin, are you jealous of Luna?" 

"No. I'm not." 

"You sound jealous." 

Clarke flipped Octavia off. 

"I'm just saying, Clarke. But if you think Lexa isn't hopelessly in love with you, you're crazy. That girl has nothing but heart eyes for you." Octavia explained, sitting down next to Clarke. "I'm surprised she hasn't proposed yet." 

Clarke looked over at her friend, then back at the pavement. She hated how insecure she was in the relationship. Countless nights she had found herself reading Lexa's mentions, her comments on her videos. Ever since Lexa came out they've both been filled with girls telling Lexa how hot she was, how they loved her. Lexa meant so much to her fans and it gave Clarke mixed emotions because she knew that Lexa could have anyone, yet the gamer chose her. And maybe it was the self-deprecating thoughts that came with those late nights, but she couldn't figure out why. 

"She wants _you_ , and only you, Clarke. Talk to her." 

Clarke nodded, but sat outside for a little while longer. She just needed a chance to breathe. 

\-------

A half hour passed before Clarke texted Octavia to have Lexa come outside to talk to her. At least outside they'd have a little more privacy than inside. The brunette walked out of the bus with a sweatshirt in hand, and Clarke couldn't help but smile at the nervous look on her girlfriend's face. 

"I... brought you a sweater. You came outside without one, and it's cold, and I didn't want you to get sick because you're performing on this tour, and..." 

Clarke took the sweatshirt, pulling Lexa down to sit next to her. She smiled as she realized that it was one of Lexa's sweatshirts. 

"Are you okay?" Lexa asked, her voice just above a whisper. 

"I... yeah. I'm okay now." 

"Did you get overwhelmed?" 

"Yeah." 

"I knew that would happen. I'm sorry, Clarke, I just wanted to tell you --" 

"Lex, it's okay. We're okay, okay?" 

Lexa nodded. Clarke reached over and took the brunette's hand. 

"I do have a few questions, though." 

"Okay." 

"Is... You're a leader, right?" She asked, not sure how to start off her questions. 

"Yes." Lexa responded.

"Is that why you have those tattoos? On your arms and neck. Or are they... brandings?" 

Lexa smiled, almost laughing. "No, Clarke. Those ended when the clans became modernized. They're tattoos. I got them as... an honor to my culture. Where we came from, at least. The one on my arm would be where I would have been marked. The one of the back of my neck represents me being _Heda_."

Clarke nodded, playing with Lexa's hand. "If they're not required, why does Luna have one? And doesn't Aden have one too?" 

"She and I got ours around the same time. Our grandfathers were close. It was... one of those friendship things. Aden adores my tattoos. He told me around the time we started his trials that he wanted a _Natblida_ one when he finished." Lexa explained, looking down at their hands. When Clarke leaned over to rest her head on Lexa's shoulder, Lexa welcomed it. Clarke asked more questions, and Lexa answered them easily. It didn't feel so hard anymore, now that everything was mostly out of the way. She told Clarke the truth about what happened over the summer, with Roan and Ontari. And Clarke happily listened. It didn't seem like she was overwhlemed anymore. 

"I just... have one more question." Clarke asked, giving Lexa's hand a squeeze.

"Were you and Luna ever..." 

Lexa let out a soft chuckle, then brought Clarke's hand to her lips to kiss it gently to make it seem like the question wasn't ridiclous. "No. We're just friends. She actually has a boyfriend back home." 

"So you haven't..." 

"You're the only girl I've been with since Costia, Clarke." 

Clarke lifted her head from Lexa's shoulder, blue eyes meeting green. "Really?" 

"Really, Clarke. I've told you before and I'll tell you again... You're helping me. So much." 

Clarke nodded, and before she knew it her lips were meeting Lexa's. It felt like home; better than either of them could describe. 

They sat out there for a little while longer until Octavia came to get them, saying that they'd be leaving for Detroit soon. And once inside, Octavia pulled them over to the couch where she had called Lincoln, Anya, and Raven. And the six of them talked and enjoyed the ride, with Luna, Monty, and Jasper joining them not long after. 

And from what Anya could see, Lexa was doing pretty well on this tour so far.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're pretty oblivious to each other tbh but that's going to be fixed this time around. Not gonna lie, I'm pretty excited to see how you guys react to the Heda History. This is probably one of the longest chapters I've ever written. Wasn't sure if I should include snippets from the actual show of the tour; didn't know how that'd turn out.


	3. Day After Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group spends the day in Toronto. Lexa makes a decision or two. Stress from back home comes into play.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a filler chapter; mostly just stuff to set up future plots. Hope you all enjoy! 
> 
> Also, I apologize for my inconsistent updates. Life has been a real bitch to me lately.

The Detroit show went without a hitch, leaving them all exhausted by the end of the night but each having smiles on their faces. It was evident, as Lexa sat on the couch with a single headphone in ( Clarke had the other -- they were watching a movie ) glancing over at the others around the bus, that they were enjoying the tour as much as their fans were. She had watched Luna and Jasper attempt to stage dive into the fans ( Luna succeeded, Jasper almost tripped going off the stage ) and Monty had had a meaningful talk with a few kids during the meet and greet stage. It was only the night after their second stop, and yet Lexa had a great feeling about the rest of this tour. 

Their driver took them straight to Toronto a few hours after the show, and while they could easily all catch up on sleep they were buzzing from the adrenaline. While Clarke and Lexa spent the time watching movies, Monty and Jasper were planning out video ideas while Luna and Octavia were doing what they called "bus workouts", where they essentially used each other as weights to carefully lift above the other. It made Lexa a little nervous thinking about what could happen if one of them slipped, but she trusted her friends to be safe. 

Once they settled down for the night and they were calm and collected, they got dinner at the closest take-out place and spent time making plans to take a small trip around Toronto before their show the next night. 

**_October 4th, 2018._ **

"So, are all you _Trikru_ really private people?" Octavia asked, pulling her lone headphone from her ear. 

Luna had gotten up relatively early to go for a run, and Octavia volunteered herself ( and Lexa, by default due to her being the only other person awake ) to join her. Currently, Luna was a few feet in front of the two but Lexa had decided to take things easy. 

"Something's wrong," She paused, upping her speed _just_ a little bit so they were closer behind Luna, who seemed to be in her own world. Lexa struggled to keep up. "But Lincoln won't tell me what." 

"How do you know something is wrong?" 

"He's being distant." She shrugged, taking a brief moment to look around the city. It was gorgeous, especially so early in the morning. "Raven says that Ayna's been exceptionally irritable lately, too." 

Lexa sighed, shaking her head. She had a feeling that something like this would happen while she was gone. Taking a glance at Octavia she jogged up to Luna, nudging her shoulder. 

_"luna, hod op."_ She stated, slowing down their speed so Octavia could catch up. She knew it wouldn't be right to have this conversation without Octavia when the girl was only worried for her boyfriend. _"don Onya imfou yu?"_

Luna, sweaty and panting, shook her head as they stopped jogging. She kept her heartbeat up, however, by breaking into arm stretches. "no. hakom?" 

Luna's Trigedasleng was rusty. Like she hadn't spoke the dialect in a while. Lexa noted it, but chose not to speak on it. It was Luna's decision. 

_"som na ait."_ She paused, glancing at people who gave them weird looks as they passed. It was easier to speak in Trigedasleng in such a public place, however. It made private conversations more private if everyone knew the language. _"Linkon hosh. Onya pis. chit taim en's Eiden?"_

Luna sighed, she was about to respond when Octavia interrupted. _"yu tag in em?"_

Lexa looked impressed, smiling at Octavia. _"bos translations, Okteivia. sef ai na nou get klin. Onya nou gaf in ai step op."_

"Okay, this is a little ridiculous. We can talk about your sister and cousins in public without people getting the wrong idea. They're already getting the wrong idea with the way we're talking. What do you mean she doesn't want you to interfere?" Luna asked, guiding them to keep walking. 

"She doesn't me to worry about what Aden's doing at home. This is supposed to be stress free for me." 

"Nothing is stress free on a tour."

"Anya doesn't believe that." 

"I say just call them," Octavia suggested, coming up to the other side of Lexa. "What's the worst that could happen?" 

\----------

By the time the trio got back to the bus, the remaining three of their friends were awake. Jasper seemed to be on his third cup of coffee, Clarke was still rocking bed-head and Monty was typing away on his laptop. Lexa walked up to Clarke, giving her girlfriend a kiss on the cheek. 

"Ew, you're all sweaty. Go shower." Clarke replied, faking grimace. They were lucky Marcus had spent so much money on the bus; it even came with a shower. Lexa assumed that the more money spent on the bus, meant less money spent on hotel rooms. Lexa didn't exactly mind, though.

"I would, but Octavia just hopped in there. So you're stuck with me until it's my turn." Lexa sat down next to the blonde, looking at what she was typing. "What're you doing?" 

"Video planning." Clarke explained, pausing her typing and clicking. "I got this idea for a video series while we're on tour. Basically I do covers because it's one of the only types of videos I can do in this bus."

"When're you going to start filming?" 

"I was thinking I might start tonight after the show. I just have to decide whether I want to do a solo cover for the first one, or talk Monty into doing a duet with me." 

"I didn't know Monty could sing." Lexa asked, looking over at the man in question. Clarke's eyes followed, causing Monty to look up at them. 

"What?" He asked, pausing his typing. 

"Do a cover with me?" Clarke asked, looking hopeful.

"For?" 

"I want to start this new series while we're on tour. I'm calling it 'Tour Bus Tunes'. I'd do a solo cover for the first one, but I think it'd be more fun to do a duet." 

Monty nodded, pondering it for a moment. "Okay. I'll do it." 

"Thank you so much Monty! I owe you one." 

Monty nodded again and went back to typing. Lexa looked over at Clarke, pausing a moment as she chewed her lip. The only thing that could really be heard among the bus was Monty's typing, Jasper's occasional sipping ( he seemed to have just woken up not long ago ) and the shower. Lexa leaned into Clarke, humming to get the blonde's attention away from the screen. 

"So, I've been doing some thinking." 

"Alright..." 

"The girlfriend tag. Do you... still want to do it?" She asked softly. 

"Yeah, but.. Lex, if you don't want to do it we don't have to." 

"I want to, I'm just.. a very private person. I always have been. My name isn't even associated with my channel, everyone just calls me _Heda_."

"Which, you _are_."

"Not the point, babe." She kissed Clarke's cheek, taking her hand. "I know you want to do this. I know our viewers will enjoy it. So... I can try." 

"Really?" Clarke asked, eyes lighting up. She glanced at her laptop, then back at Lexa before speaking again. "You know... we could always film it, and if you change your mind when we're editing we don't have to upload it." 

"I want to. I want to feel more... _connected_ to my -- _our_ fans on a personal level. I'm just not sure I want to reveal my whole life story, you know?" 

"I understand. How about you pick the questions?"

"Are you okay with that?" 

"Of course, Lex. Anything to make you comfortable." 

\--------------

When they were all ready to go and Lexa, Luna and Octavia had all showered they headed out into the city of Toronto, opting to ask the locals where the best place to get a late lunch would be. They ended up going to a small restaurant right by the venue, and while Jasper wanted to stay to see if fans decided to show up early, Octavia wanted to go to the CN Tower. Once she mentioned that they had an option to hang off the side of the tower in a harness, the man quickly led the way ( actually the wrong way ) to the tower. 

"So, which one of you lovely ladies -- or Monty -- are coming with me to the Edge Walk?" He asked, walking backwards as he spoke. "It's going to be _awesome_." 

"I've been reading about it and it actually sounds pretty thrilling. I'm in." Luna chimed, causing Jasper to fist bump. 

"Hell yeah! Luna's in! Anyone else?" 

Octavia looked across the faces of Monty, Clarke and Lexa, eventually sighing. "I'm in too. It'll be fun. But don't do anything stupid or I may be forced to cut your wire." 

"You wound me, Octavia. What have I ever done to you?" Octavia rolled her eyes. 

When they got to the tower, Octavia, Jasper and Luna were quick to get their tickets to do the Edge Walk while Monty, Clarke and Lexa opted for a regular ticket. They went their separate ways at the top of the tower, and Clarke was quick to pull both Lexa and Monty to the Sky Terrace. 

"I want to get a lot of photos." Clarke explained, already pulling out her phone. She walked over to the edge, leaning against the railing to get as close to the fence as she could to take photos, presumably for Instagram. 

Monty busied himself with reading the informational boards among the top, leaving Lexa to her own devices. She stood a few feet behind Clarke, watching as the blonde moved in different positions to get the best angle. And while she was quiet, she was loving seeing Clarke so interested about something. At some point, she had pulled out her own phone and snapped a picture of Clarke, taking it straight to instagram. 

**_@CommanderHeda has uploaded a photo:_** _She was focused on the view of the city, but little does she know that I've got the best view of them all._ "

It only took a matter of seconds for the comments to start flowing in, and for once she didn't really mind them. She didn't use instagram a lot; only using it on occasion. But the more she thought about what she told Clarke, about wanting to become closer to her fans and more personal, she felt like now was a good place to start. And after looking at the photo for a few more moments, she took it over to twitter as well with the same caption. 

When Clarke realized what Lexa had done she turned around, smiling and walking up to the brunette. "Always a smooth talker, huh?" She asked, draping her arms around Lexa's shoulders. 

"I try to be." She leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to Clarke's lips. It was almost like they were alone, despite being atop the giant building. It was nice, slow and gentle. Lexa was grateful for the moment of content. 

They stood there, just enjoying the view and Monty joined them not long after. All they could hear was the bustle of the city below and the occasional shouts of laughter and excitement coming from the Edge Walk below. They couldn't see their friends, but their voices were so disctinct that it was impossible to miss them. 

"Jasper -- Don't you dare!! Jasper!!" 

"Oh come on, I'm just having a little bit of fun!" 

"If you push me off this thing so help me you will _not_ wake up tomorrow!" 

Clarke laughed from her spot in Lexa's arms, nudging the girl's shoulder with her head. "I'm glad we took this tour." 

Lexa nodded in agreement, looking out at the city. "Me too."

\----------

The Toronto show went just as well as the Detroit show. Lexa let herself be free, letting loose and actively participating in whatever her friends had in mind for her. Luna somehow managed to get most of the crowd jumping in sync, and Monty and Jasper promised their fans a new prank video soon, much to the dismay of the other tour members. The pranks started right after the show, with Jasper convicing Octavia that her phone had been stolen, but it backfired in his face when Octavia attacked him with a squirt gun. 

They had started the drive from Toronto to Boston almost immediately after the show, but while Jasper and Monty were planning pranks and Clarke was searching for her guitar ( she _swore_ she placed the case on her bunk ), Lexa was debating whether or not to make a phone call to Anya. 

"Where did you last leave it?" Octavia asked, watching as Clarke fussed about. 

"I swear I put it on my bunk. I came in after the show, and put it on my bunk. Right?" She asked, as if Octavia was right by her side the whole time. 

"I don't know, Clarke. The last time I saw you have it was when you were performing." Jasper chimed, scribbling down ideas in his notebook. 

"Are you kidding me? So I left it at the venue?!" 

The panic was evident in her eyes as she stopped in her tracks, looking incredulously at Jasper. 

"Maybe? I don't know, Clarke. Shit gets left at the venues all the time. Plus, those security guys didn't seem to know what they were doing." 

Clarke huffed, running her hand through her hair. She started looking again, swallowing thickly as the panic settled further. She looked and looked everywhere, but at some point stumbled upon a camera, cleverly hidden right behind the couch. The green light let her know it was on, and charged, and the panic was replaced by anger. 

"Jasper, do you know where my guitar is?" 

The stare that she gave him broke his resolve, and both he and Monty broke out into a fit of laughter. 

"Clarke, don't worry. It's in the storage on the side of the bus. I put it there before we left. It's safe." Monty assured her through spits of laughter.

"Oh my god -- I hate you guys!" 

\-------------

"What's going on?" Lexa asked from her bunk, oblivious to the laughter coming from the next area over. 

Anya paused a few moments, almost long enough to make Lexa believe that she had hung up. _"Gustus has been giving Aden some_ Heda _scenerios from the past just to see how he'd handle it, and he isn't handling it very well. He's getting overwhelmed."_

"Why didn't you call me?"

She could hear Anya's sigh through the phone, _"Your tour just started, Lex. I'm not about to make you worry when there isn't really anything to worry about. I'm handling it."_

"By closing yourself off from Raven? Bringing Lincoln into it?" 

_"He's a protector, Lexa. He's always been. He deserved to be in the know. Especially since Aden is his brother."_

"I'm _Heda_ , Anya. If anyone deserved to know it's me." 

_"Not when you're already in a stressful situation. Aden is fine. I'm handling it. He's just overwhelmed about it all. You were the same way when you started out. And they're just hypothetical situations."_

"Tell him to call me." Lexa demanded, pinching the bridge of her nose. 

_"Lexa, no."_

"Damn it, Anya! Why are you doing this?" 

_"Because he is strong and he can handle this. It's just situations from the past. It's not like he's about to go into battle. Lincoln is worried about him because that's what he does. He worries about people. He's compassionate. And if Aden can't handle a few hypothetical situations, what is he supposed to do when he actually becomes_ Heda?"

"...You say that as if I'm not going to be _Heda_ for much longer." Lexa commented, shifting on her bunk. 

_"Anything can happen, Lex."_

Lexa was silent for a moment. Was she overreacting about this? 

_"Look, anyone with eyes can tell that being_ Heda _is the last thing on your mind. You're in a relationship. You're on tour, doing what you love. What happened with Ontari stressed you out so much that it almost ruined the progress you made towards getting better. You had to step back from work just to take care of yourself. I know we're not in old times but Lex, battle isn't the only thing that can kill a_ Heda _. I'm afraid this is going to stress you out too much."_ Anya explained; Lexa could hear the worry in her voice. 

"So what do you want me to do?"

_"Take care of yourself. Focus on tour. Focus on Clarke. Enjoy the break from_ Heda _for a little bit. I can handle this. I'll have Aden call you in a few days. Love you."_

Lexa sighed, letting Anya hang up the phone. She dropped her phone on the side of her head and just stared at the bunk above her, shaking her head. She knew Anya meant well. But some of the things she said were rubbing her the wrong way. 

"Everything okay?" She turned her head to the side to see Clarke standing there, looking concerned. 

Lexa shrugged, shaking her head. "Aden isn't handling things well with _Heda_. Anya doesn't want me to get involved because of what happened with Ontari over the summer. It pushed back my... self-care progress." 

"What are you going to do?"

"Try and ignore it, I suppose." She shrugged, scooting over in her bunk to let Clarke join her. "Even though every inch of my being is telling me not to." 

"He's going to be okay. But... I agree with Anya." Clarke explained, settling in the bunk next to Lexa and wrapping her arm around her. "You need to focus on yourself." 

Lexa sighed, knowing that both Clarke and Anya were right. But she couldn't help but think that maybe things with _Heda_ weren't going as she wanted to. She was afraid of the future, that was always a given. But she feared that her future was going to be a lot different than she had planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> luna, hod op. don Onya imfou yu? - Luna, wait. Did Anya contact you?
> 
> no. hakom? - No, why?
> 
> som na ait. Linkon hosh. Onya pis. chit taim en's Eiden? - Something is wrong. Lincoln is quiet ( distant ), Anya is angry. What if it's Aden?
> 
> yu tag in em? - will you call them?
> 
> bos translations, Okteivia. sef ai na nou get klin. Onya nou gaf in ai step op. - Nice translations, Octavia. But I don't know. Anya doesn't want me to interfere.


End file.
